Apocalypse Now

This morning, I woke up. And I was able to breathe.
It was amazing.

Sadly, my health went downhill. But it was a beautiful moment.

SO after I got over the disappointment that my health was deteriorating and played in the snow (basically I looked like a bunny on crack), and got some homework done, the real excitement began. And by that: chaos.
Let me set the scene: I had just come back from a lovely dinner with my roommates and Burgundy at the snack shop. I had also splurged and bought a grapefruit Izze.

Back in the dorm, I am drinking the rest of my Izze, and calling O when all of a sudden I have a huge muscle spasm and knock Izze onto Evan. Evan is my laptop, in case y’all have forgotten.
Evan does not like soda, for some reason. I’m still baffled as to why, but there it is. Cold hard truth.

I get Evan turned off and the battery out of the back of him while I’m still continuing to calmly carry on a conversation with O. As I get the hairdryer plugged in (nobody freak out: I do know what I’m doing, the hairdryer was kept on low and cool the entire time), I turn with the hairdryer in my hand and knock my favorite mug into the sink.
And manage to break the handle off it. So, I put Evan on hold, because he’s off and therefore hopefully not being any more damaged than what has already occurred and start looking for my super glue. Which I finally find after looking in every possible place. It was where it belonged. Which is where I checked first.

I am still talking to O at this point.

I get the glue out and try to put the handle back together only to realize there’s not enough glue to put a pinhead back on, much less an actual handle on a coffee mug. So I set the mug to the side, calmly breathing to keep my blood pressure down. At this point, Burgundy comes in, and I can tell she needs to talk to me.

Therefore I tell O I’m going to have to call her back because the Apocalypse has started. Burgundy has some news for me. At this point, I should back up a bit and fill you in on some history: Burgundy, Unicorn, I and two guys were going off campus for the evening to hang out. Here at the Bob, you must have odd numbers and unevenly matched so that no possible besmirching of characters can happen.

Unicorn is feeling ill again tonight, though, so after we get back, we arrange to get Twigg to go with us in her place. Minor problem: Twigg has already left to go to a friend’s house, cook dinner and chill THERE for the evening. And since she has no wifi, I cannot text her. Instead, I text her friend. Who then talks to Sarah. And then texts me back. And I text the guy who is coordinating this. We finally negotiate a time, a pick up place and all the players in motion. This is roughly simultaneous with me spilling Izze.

So then Burgundy comes in and says that she has a big test tomorrow and feels bad about this, but she’d really like to skip out, is that okay? And for real: it’s fine. But I now need to go back through the hoops again, text Twigg’s friend, tell her to just stay at the friend’s house, notify the boy and tell him to just go have fun with his male friend, and we were all going to just wait here.
Okay.
Great.
Now we’re just down to me and Evan.

I manage to unscrew the back of Evan, and pry him open enough to sop out most of the Izze and blow dry his innards. I then screwed his back back in place (praise the Lord for the screwdriver set Dad left here), and prayed really really hard.
And miraculously, Evan turned on. After I put in his battery, of course. His mousepad is still a bit persnickety. So we’ll have to wait to see if he’s truly safe, but at any rate, he is functioning. Praise God.

After that much drama, I threw my hands up at schoolwork and decided that valentines were all I was good for. So I put together a butt load of valentines, sent them on their way and called my sister back.
She was very understanding, bless her sweet soul.

I think it’s time for bed now, though, because honestly, I can’t handle this kind of stress and torture in my life. What will I do when I have children.
I have no idea.

But that’s another problem for another day.
Good night, everyone.
Happy Valentine’s Day Eve.