Is this thing on?
I don’t even recognize the edit view of WordPress at this point. It’s all space age shiny white with pale blue dividers and icons. I don’t even want to know when my last post was. I’ll probably be unable to stop myself from looking up the date later, BUT for now, I shall live in sweet oblivion.
Now for the explanation: why did I fall off the planet, or at least, interwebs? And to be very frank and honest, I don’t really know. I have a lot of excuses (which I will get to later), but mostly, I didn’t want to write. I didn’t want to write about how I felt or what I was thinking or how I was changing or growing. As I told someone quite recently, writing things down makes them more permanent.
But the upside to permanence is that you don’t have to hold your whole journey in your brain anymore. I’d have to be constantly rehearsing every step of the past to track my journey and justify my current position. And I already live in the past enough. So it’s time to stop whinging and start writing. It’s not going to be every day. But I feel that twitch or urge or conviction or muse or whatever you want to call it, I’m going to try to heed from now on.
Now for the excuses: I’ve been insanely busy, working for my uncle as a personal assistant (from across the country, I might add. May God grant us both grace and sanity) and growing my own little business, Space by Gray. If I haven’t mentioned it here before, it’s kinda awesome and it’s the black thumb’s way to keep pretty flowers in their home.
I have also discovered the phenomenon that is “self-care” and a specific sub-genre known as “K-beauty” in which I am constantly fascinated and awed by the magical science of eastern cosmeceuticals. Yes, that’s actually a word now. Look it up.
I finally mentally and physically unpacked all the pieces of my life I brought home from college. I’m not going to treat living at home as a temporary step, like a hotel that I’m perching in until I get to my destination. For right now, this is the destination and I need to stop wasting mental and emotional energy wishing to change something that’s good for me and worrying about when this good thing will change.
Well. I’m shy of 500 words on this come back post, but since this isn’t college or even high-school (praise God from whom all blessings flow), I’m totally ok with that.